Don't mess with me right now. I'm pretty emotional. Not in a bad way, but if I see an endangered pets commercial or watch "Terms of Endearment", I'll be a sobbing mess. It's a combination of events that are coming with my new season. They are good changes, but changes none the less.
The first is that, as my previous post stated, our oldest played in his very first baseball game ever this past Saturday. Chuck wasn't there. And he would have been. Every game. He would've been there. His heart would be full of pride and encouragement and he would have had a huge smile on his face. Even more so because his 2 nephews are on the team and his brother is coaching. Side note: how cool is it that he gets to play with his cousins and be coached by his uncle? Anyway! All I can do is sigh as my eyes well up with tears. It was just another "first" that we had to endure of Chuck not being there.
The next thing is that my husband did a very great thing for me. To state it delicately, we can no longer have any children. I am overwhelmed with love and gratitude towards him for doing this. I would love to have more babies, but my body can't handle another pregnancy. I don't want to take birth control. He did it for me. I know that my husband loves me. This selfless act shows me that even more. My heart overflows........
I nursed my baby for the last time this morning. I'm just not producing as much milk as he needs. I don't know if it's my blood pressure, the stress of juggling 4 kids, or what. But I have given in to the reality of it. It wasn't my choice. I did want to nurse until he was a year old. I'm sure that if I really wanted to keep going I could try pumping all of the time to really get my milk production going, but I don't have the time to do that. I cried as I nursed him this morning. I'm sad that I will never have another baby to nurse again. I'm also happy that I will never have another baby to nurse again.
Psalm 30:5b ~ Weeping may endure for a night, but JOY comes in the morning.
7 comments:
Awwww Val, I wish I could just give you a great big hug right now! Tell Dr. S to do it for me, OK?
Love you!!
{{{{HUGS}}}}}
Robin :o)
I love you!
uuuuuuuuhhhh......... wow.... do i hear ya sister
Hello there! I just had to leave a comment (not specifically about this post) to tell you that I LOVE your blog name!!!!! HI. Larious. LOVE IT!!!!!!
Well I noticed that we followed some of the same blogs, so I figured our connection was through BRSM. Especially when I noticed your favorite author is anything from S. J. Hill. :)
Maybe your girl just needs a little prodding in the tea party department! I bet she'd jump right in if she saw you doing it! ;)
Hey Val,
I am right there with you. I sometimes hated being so needed and sometimes thrived on it!! I feel like if I don't have another baby it will kill me, and I feel like if I have another baby it will kill me!! Oh the juxtapositions of motherhood!!!
Praying for yall through these firsts and difficult seasons.
But, yeah for little league!! So FUN!!!
Love Ya,
Elizabeth
Val!
I thought I couldn't read your blog - long story as to why. Anyways, I hadn't been keeping up. Until I got on it again today. And read this. My heart went to my throat as you have entered into a season that I know will be happening someday sooner then later.
It's good to read your heart! I love it!!!
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