~ Changing My Focus ~

God has totally taken me through a washing machine over the past 3 months...since I had N. Well really, it's been over the past year; from knowing that we were coming back to the States at some point in the far future, to becoming pregnant w/ N, to moving back to the States rather quickly, to losing Chuck, to having 4 kids in a new house and 2 of them are going to school. Whew (as I wipe the sweat from my forehead). It's all come to a climax since N has come into our lives.

I have learned that, when I have felt invisible, my Father sees me and notices everything that I do.

I don't like being referred to as a "Super Mom" or any other kind of super hero. I do what I do because that's what God created me to do. I'm not any more super than anybody else that is doing what God called them to do.

I have learned that I'm pretty self-centered. A little "self-centeredness" is needed in order to focus on what God wants to accomplish in my heart. Which really isn't being self-centered to focus on what God wants, but I still have to take the time to focus on me...in turn, making me feel self-centered.

I have found joy in being tired, wearing my pj's all day long, and having a messy house. Not that I really enjoy those things, but God has given me joy in the midst of what I consider to be chaos.

I discovered that I have support, love & prayers from a fairly new friend. It has really taken our friendship to a new level. It is an answer to prayer for me.

I have been having more dreams and hearing from God so clearly in my heart. There have been so many things that I've tried to accomplish on my own and I haven't been able to do it. God has recently spoken some things into my heart and I have no problem accomplishing them because they are from His heart to mine. I have His strength to accomplish what He wants for me.

I hired a babysitter. She comes 2 nights a week. Whether it's to watch our kids so that we can go out on a date, or go grocery shopping, or for me to do laundry...she's there and my kids love her! She has been a part of our family since the day we got married, seeing as she was our flower girl. She loves our kids and would do this without pay. I love her so much and she deserves to be compensated for all of her hard work. The fact that she would do this without pay lets me know that she's the perfect babysitter for our kids.

I'm joining Gold's Gym! It will be a time for me to get out of the house. Exercise always makes me feel more energized. I need that with taking care of a husband, 4 kids, and a house. Oh yeah, and taking care of me, too. :-D

D & I saw "A Christmas Carol". I don't recommend it for younger kids, unless you know that they aren't scared easily. It's not just because of the scary moments, but it wasn't really geared towards kids...in my humble opinion. If you see it, go all out and see it in 3D. There's really no other way to fully enjoy the animation.

Six months ago today, I lost my dear father-in-law. That has messed with my heart more than I could've ever imagined. D said something the other day that put the loss of Chuck into perspective. We've played out scenarios where we've lost each other, Becks, Christy, etc. But never did we ever play out a scenario of losing Chuck...because we never thought that he would die in our lifetime. I miss him very much. At the same time I am so happy for him because he is right where he wanted to be all of his life...with Jesus!