Brace yourselves...

I think that it's about time for me to pour out my heart about Jesus, Mexico, and the combination of the two. This will probably be a long post. So go grab yourself a cup of coffee and relax. You may be here a while :-).

In 1998 Jesus really started to change my life by leaps and bounds. I was beginning to see the true realization that ministry comes in many different shapes and forms. The Lord spoke to my heart and told me that I was going to be a wife & support to my husband, no matter where He leads us...whether working in corporate America, pastoring a small church in the middle of no-where, or whatever. That was an interesting thing for the Lord to share with me considering, at that point, I had no man in my life whatsoever.

Shortly after that time, I met Derrick and he began to share with me his vision to minister in Mexico, Central & South America. As much as I am thinking "YIKES", I am trusting God because He had led me to that point.

Fast-forward 6 years. The Lord releases us to move to Mexico, to live and work full-time. At this point, though, I had a very solidifed life in Georgia. We have a great home church. We had most of our family and friends very close to us. We had our first 2 kids, who loved being around all of their Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins and friends. The question resonating in my head was, "HOW ON EARTH CAN YOU RIP YOURSELF & YOUR FAMILY AWAY FROM ALL OF THIS?" I didn't know how, but I knew that we had to. In my spirit I knew that things had to change. It's like waiting at the gate for the plane to leave. If you sit in the plane forever, with the anticipation of what's to come, and you never leave, it will drive you crazy! That's where we were...at the gate, waiting for take-off.

I didn't really cry that much when we first moved here. It was all new and exciting. It was fun and it was an adventure. Then came language school. Language school was so tough! Compile that with trying to live in a totally different culture, while learning the language and having to try to speak the little bit of Spanish that you have learned in everyday life while also trying to take care of 2 kids & a husband & a home & study Spanish for 2 hours a night...let's just say it gets a little nerve-racking.

After language school some of the tension eased off. I wasn't tied down for 6 hours a day (4 hours of school plus 2 of homework). I was just left with trying to build on the foundation of Spanish that I already had. We also moved into a house in a very nice, quiet neighborhood. Nonetheless, I still had moments of NOT wanting to be here, especially after a trip to Wal-Mart (Wal-Marts here are insane).

I have had many times where I cried because my kids didn't have their best friends to play with, or they didn't have their Grandparents to spend time with, or their church friends. I've cried because my son won't get to be a part of little league and my daughter won't get to be a part of dance classes. I cried because I was going to have my baby in another country without Dr. Soundararajan. I cried because all I wanted to do is run through some soft grass, squish my feet into a carpeted floor, and hear English every where that I go. I cried because I wanted to sit through a church service that was all in English. BUT (that's a big BUT) through it all I cried out to Jesus. Many times there was immediate comfort and peace, and many times it was a process of weeding things out of my heart. Jesus was, and is, always there for me.

Right before I had my baby I read the book "Enjoying God" by S.J. Hill. I can't even begin to give a brief summary of the book because it is one, big, fat piece of steak! One of the main themes throughout the book is how Father God loves me unconditionally and that His desire, above all, is that I spend time with Him, love Him & serve Him. His ultimate desire for my life is not that I minister to Mexicans. His ULTIMATE desire for me is that I minister to Him!!! Don't you just love that He's selfish for us like that?!?!

This concept got me thinking. I know that we are here to minister and serve the Mexican people and to help raise up Mexican warriors in the Kingdom of God. But I think that God had a hidden agenda to sending us here. I think that His hidden agenda was to bring us closer to Him and to a deeper dependence on Him. God led us some where that was totally out of my comfort zone. He stripped me of all of the things that I held onto like a baby blankey. And what did it make me do? It made me reach out for Him. It made me run into Him as my Stronghold and my place of comfort. It has made me rely on Him for everything that I possibly can.

I have told many people that I would not be here if it wasn't for Jesus telling us to be here. If I had my fleshly ways, I'd be in the States, close to a Target, a Chick-fil-A, and English-speaking people. I say now that I love this country! Not because of the people, the food, the climate, etc., but because this is the place that I have grown closest to Jesus. My relationship with Him is forever changed. I know that where ever He leads us in the future will produce more change and I will continue to be purged of my fleshly ways. But my dependence on Him is infinitely greater than it was before. If I had never come here or if I had bucked against coming here, I would have missed out on a great treasure.

I still desire to spend time with all of our family and friends. I want to hug their necks and tell them all how much I love them and appreciate them. I thank God that He blessed us with such wonderful people in our lives. I think that another blessing in disguise is that we wouldn't have realized how much we love & appreciate our family and friends if it wasn't for leaving. The old saying holds true..."Distance makes the heart grow fonder". So I received a double blessing. The blessing of being closer to Jesus and having a deeper love for Him AND the blessing of knowing just how much I love my family and friends.

I guess I say all of this to say, if you are having a hard time or if you are wondering what in the heck you are doing in the place that you are, CRY OUT TO JESUS (taking a Third Day line). It just might be that He has you where you are to bring you closer to Him!