A long journey...

What a whirlwind. My mind has been working overtime for the past 8 days. I have been thinking about Chuck's death on so many different levels and from different points of view. I feel like I have so much to chew on and that I've already learned so much about myself and God, but I'm not sure how long it would take me to put it into words.

I mentioned before that Chuck is the closest person to me that has ever died. I thought about it more and, not only was he the closest, but this is the first time that I've lost somebody that I've been living with. It's so hard to believe that I'm not going to wake up on a Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday and see him working in the yard or watching the Military channel. Or that Thursday through Sunday evening that I won't see him walk in the door in the late afternoon. Or that I won't see him playing the bass guitar on stage from my seat on the front row, where he used to smile & make faces at me.

We have a lot of decisions to make in the next few weeks/months. The reality of it is that we have a baby coming at the beginning of August and we don't have enough space as it is. So we have to make a decision about where to live.

We have decided to put our 2 oldest into a local, Christian private school in the fall. I love homeschooling and I want nothing more than to be able to continue. But with everything that has happened, and the fact that I'm going to have 2 babies 15 months apart, it is really what is best for our kids. D used to teach at this school and we are really good friends with the Principal and a lot of the staff.

The day before Chuck died, D was introduced to our church as the new Youth pastor. It is the position that we had before we left to go to Mexico, but this time it will be so different. We've matured in so many ways and D has a lot of fresh ideas. So I guess it is obvious that we are staying here for a while. D is also going back to school to get his masters degree, and hopes to be able to write his own bible school curriculum some day, for when we return to Latin America.

I miss Chuck. You will probably read that line a lot for a long time. Not many people have the relationship with their father-in-law that I had. It wasn't because of me that we had a great relationship, it was because of him. I told D the other night that Chuck made it easy to have a great relationship with him. He didn't hold grudges. He blessed. He loved. He prayed. He drowned himself in the Word.

A short story: The other morning our daughter walked into Chuck & Beck's room. Beck was crying. She said, "Granna, why are you crying?" Beck said, "Because I miss Papa and I want to see him again." Our daughter said, "But Jesus needed Papa." Plain & simple. We never said anything like that to her. That was her own thought and her own view on the situation. Priceless!